I’ve finally gotten back into writing. I know it seems kind of ridiculous to think that someone who blogs as frequently as I do could have any trouble writing, but it’s true. A blog post is easy: random topic on my mind, spout off a few thoughts, proof read as best I can, bing bang boom, done! It’s somewhat short and sweet and that is, as they say, that.

Now I’m going to completely contradict myself here, but I’ve come to realize that writing a play, on the other hand, does in fact scare me. I haven’t figured out yet what I’m so scared of, but I do know I put an awful lot of pressure on myself to “make it perfect” or to have it “be the one” – you know, “the show to end all shows”. Because I’ve created this incredibly high and unattainable ideal in my head, the next logical step, of course, is to never get it done in the first place, right? It can’t be done so why try for anything beneath that?

Jeebus, I am screwed up.

Anyway, I’ve started writing my Derby show again and it is going fairly well. I’ve been reading through all my old notes and I chuckle. I didn’t realize I could be funny.

However, I keep getting stuck on really stupid points. Do you know what I believe to be the hardest part when it comes to writing any piece of literature? Names. I have the hardest f’n time coming up with names. For most of my short playwriting career I’ve managed to cheat my way out of it use the old Neil LaBute approach by going with Man, Woman, Man Two, Angel, Devil, Sweet, Sour, ect… But I’m at the point now where multiple characters are popping up and, gosh darn it, they need names!

I keep thinking I have to be smart and clever with the names. You know, like all those names in the Harry Potter series which have a double-meaning related to the character’s personality. Or that I need to stay away from the names of people I know because they might think the story is about them when really they just happen to have a very common name or a neat unusual name or it was just the first name that came up when I scrolled through Facebook.

It gets even harder when you start thinking up Derby names because many of those might actually belong to a certain player and you may need to get permission before being able to use it. So it might be easier to make some up, but that’s a chore in and of itself.

I know this is just another way for me to procrastinate on my writing, but I’m really curious to know how any other writers out there do it? How do you come up with your character names?

The call came in. Your audition was spectacular (or your friends just think you’re awesome) and you’ve booked the gig. Ladies and gentlemen, you are going on set!

But it’s not just any film set! This? Is an independent movie!

Alright, so what can you expect when you are going to be working on an independent film? Well, there are no big budgets and you probably won’t be meeting any celebrities once you get there. The crew will probably be small (maybe two guys with a camera and a boom mic?) and chances are the director is also the writer, the producer, the DOP, the camera operator, the wardrobe mistress, the craft services, and the person who drove you there (if you were even lucky enough to get a ride). Also, once your agent and the union get their pieces of the pie, fingers cross you might even have enough left for half your groceries this week. But we’re not doing this for the money right? Right.

In all seriousness though, I’m at a point in my career where all I want is to work and this was a union shoot that gets me just one step closer to being a full member of ACTRA. Plus, it was for my friends.

Anyway, here are a few tips to help you make it through your independent film experience with your professionalism reinforced to such a degree that they will be begging to have you back for their next project. Remember, today’s low-budget indie-film producer could be tomorrow’s James Cameron… or maybe divorced to James Cameron.

Now, chances are your “wardrobe fitting” consisted of one phone call and maybe a request to “bring some pants”. Do not be fooled by any kind of laissez-faire (that’s French) attitude towards your outfit! Many years of on set experience has thought me that Murphy’s Law is always in full effect. Only brought the clothes on your back? They will take one look at you and hate it. Brought a suitcase full of stuff? They will love what you have on.

That said, it is much better to ere on the side of caution. I have a small suitcase which I always fill with everything I need. That includes: 3 or 4 changes of clothing (depending on the part you will be playing, try and vary the styles and colours), a lint brush & Tide To Go pen, my own makeup & hair supplies (just in case there are no hair and makeup people present), a snack & a water bottle (in case they can’t afford craft services), a book (being on set consists of a lot of “hurry up and wait”) and, of course, the most important item: a positive attitude!

(Actually, I take that back. The most important thing, as your mother will tell you, is clean underwear. You have no idea where or in front of whom you might be changing your clothes. In the past, I’ve had to change behind dumpsters, in the back seat of a car, and in the middle of a crowded park. Trust me, you want to be wearing clean underwear – why I am assuming most of you don’t wear clean underwear, I don’t know – because you never know who might see it. Also, as you can see, the life of an actor is very glamorous.)

Corny, I know, but you’d be surprised how far a good attitude can take you. It’s quite likely the people you are working for might be inexperienced, working on very little sleep and a bit stressed (Who am I kidding – a lot stressed), so you need to try and make things as easy as possible for them. That starts by not throwing any diva fits. You’re also probably in for a long day so be patient with everyone.

The other thing you need to be prepared to do is repetition. And I’m not just talking lines here. I mean repeat every gesture you have just made at the same time every time. You see, the director/producer/camera guy might not know it now because he has got other things on his mind, but continuity is going to be incredibly important once he start editing. If you manage to repeat everything exactly the same way, you will give him a variety of shot options and make his life 20 times easier once he tries to put everything together. I once had a director/editor email me three months after a shoot to tell me how much he appreciates that I did all that repetition.

So be prepared, be professional, and be ready to have fun!

Now please excuse me as I geek out on pictures of myself in costume, on set for Gruppo Rubato’s upcoming Airport Security. I had a blast and I can’t wait for it to come out!

Don't I make you want to fly the friendly skies?

For a more behind the scenes look at that particular project, check out Kris Joseph’s blog series here.

Things were off to a great start last Sunday with the closing performance of BASH’d: A Gay Rap Opera at the GCTC followed by a theatre audition for a company in town. Then I spent some time with a friend and watched Heath Ledger’s last performance in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasus, an odd little film in which I learned it’s best not to make a deal with Tom Waits.

I had taken the time on the prior Saturday to come in and complete the finishing touches on a big project I was involved with at the GCTC. Oddly enough, my boss also decided to come in that day. There really is nothing better than choosing to work overtime and having your boss catch you at it. It’s just like How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, only I was really trying. I was then able to take Monday off without much fuss.

It only got better after that. I received a call from a friend. Apparently their non-union film project got approved for union status and would I happen to be available on Thursday for a shoot? (More on this in my next blog post.)

Needless to say, I was super excited to be on set again and even more so when I contacted my union’s branch office and found out that I would be getting another apprentice credit for my work. When you start out with ACTRA (The Alliance of Canadian Cinema, Television and Radio Artists), you typically begin as an Apprentice Member and you need to collect 6 credits before you can become a Full Member. More details on being an Apprentice can be found here. In the past, only one low budget film could be used towards your six credits. The reasoning being, I guess, that anyone could go out and make their own low budget films and get all their credits. However times change and so do some rules and regulations. I am now only one credit away from Full Member status (and some kind of minimal health insurance coverage!)

Oh and my agent also contacted me to let me know that I would be auditioning for a feature film on the Friday. so who knows, maybe I’m not that far away from Full Member status after all…

Somehow, I managed to do all this while juggling 40 hours of work and the big audience development project we had going on over the weekend. Oh and Thursday was also payday! Gosh, I wish all my weeks could be like that, but right now I am just grateful that everything just came together so well.

In my grant writing post, I mentioned putting up a list of locations where you can find grants available to performance artists, so here it is.

Please note that while this list may be of use to many of you, it’s focus is more on Ottawa-based performance artists. Also, if I’ve missed anything, please let me know and I will add it immediately.

Municipal
City of Ottawa
Deadline – End of January
Includes funding opportunities for Individual Artists, Projects & Operations

Council for the Arts in Ottawa
Deadline – December & May
Awards for Emerging & Mid-Career Artists

Community Foundation of Ottawa
Deadline – February & October
Must be a registered charity and the project must have strong community impact

Provincial
Ontario Arts Council
Deadline – varies
Opportunities for a variety of disciplines and projects, for both individuals and organizations. They also have Skills Development & Touring money. Follow them on Twitter!

Theatre Ontario
Deadline – March & October
Funding for those wanting to train with a mentor in a particular theatrical discipline, not including performance. They also have a great range of courses and other information. You can also follow them on Twitter.

Metcalf Foundation
Deadline – May & October
This is the program I went through to fund my current internship/job opportunity with the Great Canadian Theatre Company. Similar to the program through Theatre Ontario, but for a much longer term. The internship is available throughout the province, but they also fund companies based in Toronto. You must be a charitable organization to apply (for the internship, the GCTC had to apply on my behalf).

Ontario Trillium Foundation
Deadline – March 1, July 1 & November 1
From what I hear, this is the mother of all grant applications. It is incredibly long and varied. Your project must also have great community impact.

National
Canada Council for the Arts
Deadline – varies
Like the Ontario Arts Council only with a broader, national scope.

In the meantime, you might also want to check out the great discussion happening in the comment thread of Praxis Theatre’s blog post entitled How Do You Get A Grant. I find Brendan Gall’s words pretty inspiring.

Also from Praxis Theatre (because they are awesome and I hope they will eventually add me to their blog roll if I keep pinging back to them enough times – Hey, it worked with the Ottawa Fringe Festival…), I haven’t stopped laughing at their fundamental contradiction at the core of this discussion. So I leave you with this:

Good luck!

Have you ever really taken a good look at the people who surround you? I mean, a really good look. Who are they? Why are they there in your life at this very moment?

I’ve often been under the mistaken assumption that I am alone. I live by myself and don’t have a significant other. In my mind, as well intentioned as the cat may be, that means I am alone. However, this past month has shown me how false that statement truly is.

January has been an odd month filled with transitions, adjustments, and even a few disappointments. There’s always a certain level of challenge that comes from change and I have to tell you that there were times when I wasn’t sure I could deal with it all. A new job, more doubts on my artistic abilities (though to be honest, that’s nothing new), family trouble, a loss of inspiration… I know it doesn’t seem like much, but sometimes the little things add up for even the strongest of people.

That said, whenever I thought it was just too much, whenever I felt like I didn’t know where I was going any more, whenever I just started to panic about it all, somehow there was always someone there to fall back on. Hindsight is 20/20, and I didn’t realize it at the time, but I got exactly the kind of help I needed at the right time.

One of those amazing, helpful people actually forwarded this little note to me not too long ago about the types who might be walking in and out of your life. I encourage you to have a read (it’s short) and take a moment to reflect on who those people might be in your own world.

So to everyone who’s around for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime, I’d just like to say thank you.

I couldn’t do it without you.

Those of you who have been following my Twitter feed over the weekend were probably well acquainted with #grantwritingapalooza – a term lovingly coined by me to describe the sheer volume of grant writing my theatre company and I need to get done over the next little while.

Now, I won’t get into a discussion about Arts Funding (or the lack thereof). There are enough blogs out there who make a better case for it than I do. I personally think that the current financial model we artists are working in is completely nonviable and unsustainable. (There’s actually a discussion about this going on at the Praxis Theatre blog right now.) I hate how much emphasis theatre companies and individuals (myself included) place on government funding, which is never guaranteed, and it breaks my fucking heart when I see projects unable to get off the ground due to a lack of money.

That said, there is money out there for the arts. It does exist. Now let’s see if you are in a position to collect it.

According to the good people at Wikipedia, ‘Grants are funds disbursed by one party (Grant Makers), often a Government Department, Corporation, Foundation or Trust, to a recipient, often (but not always) a nonprofit entity, educational institution, business or an individual. In order to receive a grant, some form of “Grant Writing” often referred to as either a proposal or an application is usually required.’

Let’s get something straight. Grant writing is not fun. It’s a long and convoluted process that makes you feel like you are jumping through a thousand hoops while being asked the same question over and over again in a million different ways. Take the hardest essays you have ever written, throw in a detailed budget, put your entire soul on the line, and presto! That? Is grant writing in a nutshell.

However, as a good friend pointed out to me, if you can’t clearly express your project idea, why should anyone who doesn’t know you give you any money?

So, first things first: Do Your Research
Most grant applications require at least four months between the application deadline and the project start date so this is not something you want to get into two weeks before opening night. Also, will you be applying on behalf of yourself as an individual, a company or a collective? Is your company a non-profit organization or a registered charity? This will affect the types of grants you can apply for.

There are a few avenues available to you in your search for grants. I had written many of them out here, but it made for a very long blog post. Instead, I’ll be creating another post later on with a list of links. If you have any suggestions for me, please add them in the comment list.

*Ed. Note – Post with grant listings can be found here.*

So you know what you want to apply for, now what? See those contact names associated with the various application forms? Call them! Don’t be shy. These people are paid to answer your questions and it is a really good idea to approach them with your project to see if it’s even viable before you get into the tedious writing process.

Look Over the Application Requirements Carefully
Will you need three copies or six? What kind of support materials are required? Will you need bios or resumes of the people involved in the project? Ect… Just because you might be applying for more than one grant for the same project does not mean all the requirements will be the same.

Start Writing
There are a lot of opportunities to be creative in your application. It’s not a bad idea to introduce yourself under the artistic description for the project to give the jury a better idea of who you are and why this project is important. Grant applications are all about the “Why?” If you are passionate about something, make sure it shines through.

At Evolution Theatre, we write as a group. Grants can usually be divided into three categories, which works well for us since there are three of us in the company. Our Artistic Director writes out the Artistic Vision, our General Manager works on the Budget, and I, as Director of Communications, take care of the Community Outreach/Marketing aspects. Then, once a first draft is done, we pass it around to each other for edits. The Track Changes function in Microsoft Word gets a lot of use in our world.

Be Concise
Grant assessment juries can see hundreds of applications a year. Keep things brief and to the point. Bullet points are your friend!

Have a Realistic Budget
Make sure your budget is balanced and makes sense. A couple tips: artist grants are usually meant to cover anything involving the “art” – keep your business and admin expenses low; Don’t ask for a ridiculous amount of money with the “ask for more, get less” mentality – you might be shooting yourself in the foot with that one; Have detailed budget notes and make sure you have a back up plan in case you don’t get the money (some applications may ask this question).

Speaking of being prepared in case you don’t get the money: I’ve probably written about a dozen grant applications now (both as an individual and as a member of Evolution Theatre) and I have been successful in getting three. I’m not sure what the statistics are on this, but I think that’s probably a pretty good average for an emerging artist.

Get Someone to Look It Over
As I mentioned above, we’re lucky because there are usually three of us working on a grant application at the same time. That said, I have done individual applications and, trust me, it never hurts to have a little outside input. They might see something you missed. However, make sure the person you ask has some experience with grant writing.

Ask for Postage Confirmation
If you’re like me, you’ll be handing in/mailing out your application on the day it’s due (which is not the smartest way to go about it people, trust me, it’s stressful – do as I say, not as I do!). If you have to mail it out, ask for a post-dated confirmation from the post office. I didn’t get a confirmation once and was told by a theatre company my application was three days late, even though I sent it out on the right day. I pleaded my case and they did allow my application, however this is not the norm! Typically, I may never have even known it was considered late until much later, if ever. Spend the extra money, it’s worth it for your own peace of mind.

I hope these tips help you out in some way. If you have any of your own, please add them in the comment section below. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got two more applications due on Monday, which I really have to get to.

For about a year now, I have been trying to reconnect to my French roots as an artist. One of the best ways I have found to do that in this city was by joining Théâtre Action (site in French only). This organization is at once an advocacy group, an educational alliance and a link to a greater community and a broader spectrum of work possibilities.

The executive director of Théâtre Action, Marie-Eve Chassé recently spoke to the City’s budget planning committee on the arts and funding in the region and I just wanted to pass along the message to you who all seem to gather here. This is the official translation of her French speaking notes. I have included the original text below and, if you understand the language, I highly recommend you read that version instead.

*************************************

Hello everyone, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak with you today.

My name is Marie Ève Chassé, and I am the executive director of Action Theater and chair of the Alliance Culturelle de l’Ontario. In that capacity I am here to speak on behalf of the francophone theatre and culture community in Ottawa.

The planned budget for 2010 for the city states explicitly that there will be no reduction in funding for the arts. So I would like to start by offering a big thank you for having heard and understood our needs.

However, it’s important to understand the need to remain vigilant. History teaches us that the battle isn’t truly won until the war is won.

The arts and culture have always been the poor relations when it has come to policy issues. We have had to cry out constantly to reaffirm our importance and value to society.

So I would like to remind you that it is vitally important to ensure that the promised allocation for the arts in the draft 2010 budget remain in place and that it be adopted when you make your final decisions on the budget.

For those of use working in the cultural community, there is no doubt that what we do isn’t just a pleasant “extra” but a necessary factor for our city’s economic recovery future growth. We would like to remind you again that what we do generates billions of dollars and stimulates the entire economy.

Moreover, our creative communities also provide Ottawa with other kinds of benefits beyond dollars and jobs. They contribute to our collective well-being, social cohesion, and sense of community.

Indeed, we would argue that during a time of economic recession the people of Ottawa have a greater need than ever for the arts as they nourish our hopes for better days ahead.
Through their works, the artists of our city share offer a different kind of wealth which, unlike consumer goods, are resistant to economic pressures and analytical reports.

Our artists invite us to live and understand reality in ways that are personal. They open our eyes to new ways of thinking. They offer us a glimpse into the future. Through their work they give meaning to what happens in our personal lives and in our society.

In contrast, the absence of dreams and culture causes despair and hopelessness. The arts provide a backbone for our society. As the soul of our city they are our guides for generations to come.

I assure you that your decision not to cut funding to the arts is the right one.

Let me offer you a few more thoughts in this vein.

Continued support for the arts provides us with the means to help Ottawa to become a model city in Canada that makes its mark in history.

As you know, any society is invariably judged through its art and culture. So I invite you to become visionaries in considering the future of our city.

Let us invest in the arts and culture!

You will support the emergence and the continued development of our artists by providing the best possible conditions for the creation, production and dissemination of works of art.

These works of art contains will stir our consciences and inspire our daily activities.

In offering financial support to the arts, you help the people of Ottawa to contribute to the creation of beauty in our city.

I hope you will take into account my thoughts as you consider our needs in your deliberations.

Thank you once again for your attention.

******************************

Ottawa le, 25 janvier 2010 : Théâtre Action est fier de vous divulguer ici le texte intégral du plaidoyer en faveur d’un financement congruent des arts et de la culture que sa directrice générale à fait le 25 janvier dernier à l’Hôtel de Ville d’Ottawa.

« Bonjour à tous et merci d’avoir accepté de me donner la parole aujourd’hui.

Je me présente, je suis Marie Ève Chassé, directrice générale de Théâtre Action et présidente de l’Alliance culturelle de l’Ontario. J’agis ici en tant que porte-parole du milieu théâtral et culturel francophone de la ville d’Ottawa.

Nous savons que dans les faits saillants du budget provisoire 2010 de la ville d’Ottawa, il est fait explicitement mention qu’aucune réduction ne sera faite dans le financement des arts.

Aussi, je suis venue ici pour vous dire un gros merci! Cela prouve, en effet, que vous nous avez entendus et surtout compris!

Cependant, vous comprendrez surement qu’il nous faille rester vigilants, car souvent le passé nous a appris qu’une bataille pouvait être remportée sans que pour autant cela signifie que la guerre soit gagnée!

En effet, le milieu des arts et de la culture a toujours été le parent pauvre des enjeux prioritaires en politique et il a dû sans cesse crier et réaffirmer son importance et sa valeur sociétale!

Alors, sachez, Mesdames et Messieurs, qu’il est crucial, voir vital pour nous que cette dépense de fonctionnement allouée aux arts dans le budget provisoire 2010 reste réellement en l’état et soit bel et bien adoptée lors du vote du budget!

Pour nous artistes, artisans et travailleurs du milieu culturel, il ne fait aucun doute que la culture n’est pas une composante additionnelle, mais un facteur nécessaire à la reprise et à la croissance économique de notre Ville! Nous répétons une fois de plus que son activité génère des milliards de $ et stimule des pans entiers de son industrie!

De plus, créatrice de richesses et d’emplois pour de nombreux Ottaviens et Ottaviennes, la culture fait également naître encore davantage de bénéfices non quantifiables, en termes de bien-être collectif, de cohésion sociale et de projet commun de société!

En effet, en ces temps de sortie de récession économique, la population d’Ottawa a plus que jamais besoin des arts et de la culture pour pouvoir nourrir l’espoir de jours meilleurs.

Par leurs œuvres, les artistes de notre ville offrent en partage des richesses sans pareil qui, contrairement aux biens de consommation, résistent aux raisons économiques et savent faire fi des rapports analytiques!

Nos artistes nous invitent à vivre ou à appréhender le réel selon des voies toutes personnelles auxquelles ils ont su donner un sens selon ce qu’ils vivent ou ont vécu.

Ils nous ouvrent d’autres perspectives pour penser!
Ils nous permettent d’entrevoir une sorte de lumière pour avancer.
Ils sont nos quêteurs de sens!

Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs, c’est le manque de rêve, d’espoir et de culture qui provoque le désespoir, la contestation et la morosité…

Les arts sont et resteront la colonne vertébrale d’une société, ils sont l’âme de notre Ville et des guides pour les générations à venir!

Aussi, je vous garantis que votre décision de ne pas effectuer de coupures dans le financement des arts est bonne et vous assure que vous faites un choix qui vous honore!

Cependant, permettez-moi tout même d’aller un peu plus loin dans ma réflexion…

En effet, je vous suggère fortement de vous donner d’ores et déjà les moyens de devenir une ville modèle au Canada qui marquera de son sceau l’histoire!

Comme vous le savez, toute société est immanquablement jugée à travers son art, alors, anticipez l’avenir de notre ville et devenez des visionnaires!

Investissez financièrement dans les arts et la culture!

Vous soutiendrez ainsi l’émergence et le développement continu d’artistes, d’artisans et de travailleurs culturels d’ici en leur offrant les meilleures conditions possible de création, de production et de diffusion d’œuvres d’art!

L’art contient en lui un nous pluriel qui réveille les consciences, anime et inspire toutes les activités humaines!

En injectant encore plus d’argent dans les arts et la culture, vous donnerez le goût à vos concitoyens de produire de grandes et belles choses dans notre ville d’Ottawa!

J’ai l’espoir fou de penser que mon discours ne restera pas lettre morte et que vous saurez le prendre en considération!

Je vous remercie pour votre écoute et vous souhaite à tous et toutes une bonne soirée! ».

Théâtre Action tient à remercier ses partenaires financiers pour la saison 2009-2010 : le Conseil des Arts de l’Ontario, le Ministère du Patrimoine Canadien, la Fondation Trillium de l’Ontario, le Ministère de l’Éducation et le FondAction de la Fondation franco-ontarienne.

By Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
Featured in the motion picture Once

Are you really here or am I dreaming?
I can’t tell dreams from truth.
For it’s been so long since I have seen you,
I can hardly remember your face anymore.

When I get really lonely
And the distance causes our silence,
I think of you smiling
With pride in your eyes, a lover that sighs.

If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me,
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me.

Are you really sure that you’d believe me
When others say I lie?
I wonder if you could ever despise me
When you know I really try
To be a better one to satisfy you,
For you’re everything to me.
And I’ll do what you ask me
If you’ll let me be free.

If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me,
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me,
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me.

Okay, just so everyone doesn’t think it’s all doom and gloom.

BASH’d! A Gay Rap Opera has been receiving incredibly positive reviews across the board and so I thought I’d give you a sampling of them here.

Oh and if you’d like to meet the guys from BASH’d, Chris Craddock and Nathan Cuckow will be at The Lookout Bar in Ottawa tonight. Tomorrow’s show (affectionately dubbed BASH’d Bash) is also a fundraiser for a variety of local groups in town, including Toto Too Theatre. The guys will be participating in a post-show talkback and there will be a reception following the performance and chat at the GCTC. Click on the links for ticket information.

What the critics are saying:

“…BASH’d is simply that good.” – Denis Armstrong, Ottawa Sun

“…a performance that, on Thursday night, left the audience practically humming with energy.” Patrick Langston, Ottawa Citizen

“The rapping… is very clever and easy to follow.” – Katie Marsh, Apartment 613

“BASH’d: a gay rap opera for everyone.” – Wayne Current, The Wellington Oracle

“I defy anyone to keep their foot from tapping or head from bobbing…” – Connie Meng, North Country Public Radio

“Don’t fear the rapper” – Andrew Snowdon, Ottawa Tonite

What the audience is saying:

Viewpoints Board at GCTC

“Amazing show. You Rock.”

“It was brilliant on every level!”

“That was friggin awesome!”

Remember, those are their Viewpoints, come on down and let us know yours! BASH’d! A Gay Rap Opera continues until January 31.

I lovingly blame Camus and my grandmother for this post.

For the past, maybe fifteen years or so, my mother has been the proud owner of a convenience store in small-town New Brunswick. Although it hasn’t always been that way, thanks to an incredible amount of dedication, hard work and self-sacrifice on my mom’s part, it is now quite a profitable business. That said, after all these years, you get tired and, for probably the past five or more, I’ve been hearing her speak of retirement.

But you know how it goes:

At some point, when my grandmother was sick and in palliative care, she asked my mother what she was doing. She thought my mother was done. Why was she still working at that store? My mother didn’t really have a good answer.

My grandmother passed away a year ago this week. When everything was said and done, my mother went in to pay the funeral director and they had a bit of a chat. The director was very impressed with my mother’s business savvy and how she treats her employees. He asked her to go into business with him.

My mother took it as a sign, or more likely a little cosmic joke from my grandmother, and since last year, she has now been the proud co-owner of a series of funeral homes. And by extension, I am the proud co-owner of a series of funeral homes.

It was a weird holiday season in many ways. My mom and I watched the entire first season of Six Feet Under on DVD. December was a busy month with lots of new clients coming in (you understand what I mean by that, right?) and I joined my mother at one of the funeral homes.

The funeral director is an incredibly kind and pleasant man. Honestly, you have never seen someone better suited to his job. He spoke to me in excited tones as my mother gave me a tour. The creepy factor was semi-high, but what creeped me out even more was the fact that I found this all to be so… normal. Perhaps 13 episodes of SFU had already prepared me for all this.

There is one small room that was filled with coffins. Seriously, jam packed. They were lining the walls from floor to ceiling. Some of them were open to show you the lining and they all came in a variety of colours. I kept expecting someone to climb out of a closed casket, but that’s just silly.

The dead bodies were in the other room.

The funeral director asked me if I wanted to see the preparation room. There was ’someone’ in there and that I didn’t have to go if I was scared. I think the colour drained from my face as I bravely muttered that I wasn’t scared and I would go have a look. My mother laughed.

I was expecting the prep room to be bigger. They have the whole basement of a house in SFU, but this room was no bigger than my bedroom (eesh, I can’t believe I made THAT connection). A very large man was laid out under a sheet with his feet facing the door. I didn’t go in to see his face, because all I could stare at was a very blue foot with a very long toenail peeking out from beneath the sheet. There were jars and instruments and a big giant tube than ran from the man all the way into a toilet on the side of the room. My mind was racing: part scared and part contemplating the beautiful framing of this shot if it ever was a movie.

Because it was beautiful.

From the office, I could see someone had been laid out for a viewing. I couldn’t see the person’s head because the door frame was in the way, but once again I thought about camera angles and framing. The director (funny how he’s also called a director) told me about the kinds of conversations he has with people who bring in a loved (and sometimes not-so-loved) one. It’s crazy the level of humanity he is witness to on a daily basis; the things people still try to hide, even in death; the level of uncomfortableness around the subject; the family dynamics…

It gives you a lot to think about and I still do, even a month later.